I've dressed up for this convention,
Looking pretty good in green
Or red or blue, or even wheat 
But in black when I need to look mean
    'Cause I'm a Dorsai
    D-O-R-S-A-I
    You will know us when you see us
    Look for initials, D and I.

I eat Klingon waffleheads for breakfast
Starship Troopers for a snack
Get a steak off you as I'm passing through
And dessert when I come back.
    'Cause I'm a Dorsai
    D-O-R-S-A-I
    I put on pounds 'cause it's too easy
    Give me a work-out, won't you even try?

Klingon women mark their men
And leave them stiff and scarred.
But Dorsai women know better ways
To keep their menfolk hard.
    Thank God they're Dorsai
    D-O-R-S-A-I
    They know that home is where the heart is
    And all the other parts, ai-yi-yi!.

I can watchdog your artshow
To your dealers I'm a friend
I can sing and drink til 2 AM*
Then come back and do it again
    'Cause I'm a Dorsai
    D-O-R-S-A-I
    This con's security's brought to you
    By the letters D and I.

I've got a Kelly Freas original.
I wear it on my hat.
To cover up my bald spot
But it don't work for my fat
    Still I'm a Dorsai. 
    D-O-R-S-A-I
    I may be carrying a few more pounds
    But what I say I'll do, I'll do.

The new generation's a'coming.
They look a lot like us.
Some because they're related.
And others, well, just because
    They must be Dorsai
    D-O-R-S-A-I
    We know the new ones when we see 'em.
    Don't call us, we'll call you.

Yes we're the Dorsai.
D-O-R-S-A-I
And if it ain't in the contract (pause)
We'll only do it if we like you.

*In earlier drafts this was 4AM, but I decided not to lie.